I don’t think divorce is a good answer to a problem. But I am a realist and know that some problems can’t be worked out. Abuse, infidelity are among the things that are deal breakers for me. I’m not saying I’d get divorced over an affair but I am saying that we would be going to counseling and working on whatever the problem was that caused the affair. Dr. Phil had 5 questions that you as a couple need to answer before you are ready to even think about filing for divorce.
1. Have you done everything in your power to save or rehabilitate your marriage? If not what can you get to work on together? Look at bookstores and see if there are workbooks you can find and buy to help you wade your way through the struggles.
2. Do you have unfinished emotional business with regards to your marriage? If you’re still angry or sad then you do have unfinished business that needs to be worked on first. If you are still angry then you are not ready to file.
3. Have you researched, planned and prepared yourself legally for divorce? Have you sought counsel? Plan your finances for after the divorce and set goals that you can accomplish so that you are ready when it is finished.
4. Are you ready to find a new standard of conduct with your children? Make sure you are not putting your partner down in front of the kids. They don’t need to be dragged through your ordeal of the marriage. The divorce is trauma enough for them. Make sure you don’t make the divorce a battle to be won by either partner. There are no winners.
5. Are you willing and ready to adopt a new relationship as a co-parent to these children? Setting up boundaries and standards for dealing with the children is a great way to set up the co-parent relationship.
When all these things are done and you feel you are just finished. You’re not angry or bitter you are just ready to move on. Then you can take whatever your next step is. If you can find that reason you fell in love with your spouse and find that love again it would be a great thing. Maybe the fairy tale is making it through the marriage until death us do part!
Have you been through a divorce and did you follow any of these steps? Did it help you?
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